Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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