You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
