dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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