she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize