in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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