i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
