i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
