I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
