I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
