Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
