it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize