So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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