She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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