Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
