his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
