Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
