He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
