Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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