I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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