dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
