how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
