So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
