Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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