I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
so much tequila, so little girl.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
