she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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