I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
