pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
