Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
