if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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