I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize