just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
