I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
