things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
