So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
