went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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