The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
