Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
