Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
