I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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