My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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