i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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