you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
