4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize