i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
