So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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