i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
