I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
