she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
