Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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