i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
