no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
