What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I FOUND THE LEGS
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
