I seem to have left my pride at pride
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
