Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
