My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
