very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
