I could have mohawked her pubes.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
