I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I hope mine doesn't look like that
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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