i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
