pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
