Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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