Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
