hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
