This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
