I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
