Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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