She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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