I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
