I looked at my own cervix.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
