"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
