so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
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