The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
