90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
did i just pee glitter
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize