did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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