so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
