i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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