I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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