I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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