Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
