Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
