hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
